I came back to the U.S. "temporarily" because someone close to me was having a bit of a mental breakdown.
I had vowed to never live in the U.S. again.
Before that I was in Thailand, planning on living there and possibly making my way to Australia or New Zealand. My stuff was safely in storage at a friends flat in Spain. I was free to roam. I loved waking up in the morning to a new place. I found someone who would build me a treehouse to live in on a beach in Thailand.
But since family asked, I came back to Minnesota in hopes things improved for a family member.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't resentful. I was having the time of my life. How was me being back going to help? It didn't have to do with me?
I was about to live in a tropical paradise in a treehouse.
Yet, there I was, just in time as the weather started to turn cold in Minnesota.
For the first time, I felt like a foreigner in my own culture. I had a strong dislike of the way "we" did many things.
The dynamics of my family at that time were suffocating, confusing and frustrating.
My best friend ignored my calls and then finally admitted she didn't want to be friends anymore. I felt totally rejected. She had lived abroad and was the one person who I thought would get me.
I felt like most other friends couldn't get my world. I was different. I wasn't wanting to do the same things I did before.
Traveling the world changed me in more ways than I realized at the time.
I was different and I wasn’t fitting into my old life. I got really depressed. I remember not seeing any beauty in the world. I didn’t feel love. Suddenly, I didn’t believe in beauty or love.
I kept talking about where I’d go next.. The plan was Central America. Costa Rica? Guatemala?
I knew I had to get outta here.
But after a year, I was still in Minneapolis.
I was still depressed. Looking back, so much of my beliefs system about who I was or what I’m supposed to be in society were being slowly broken down, a painful and necessarily process during awakening.
I was told I had - ‘severe anxiety’.
And although I could feel my own chaos, I wasn’t entirely sure what made me different than the person next to me, other than I admitted something was up for me.
I looked around and could see that everyone seemed to have some sort of ‘mental illness.’ (I use quotes because I don’t believe in that categorization.)
As much as I was tempted to take a plane out, I knew that it wouldn't give me the deep healing I needed. I could escape back into the world of travel and fun, but I needed something more. I craved for something more profound.
So in that moment, I decided to commit to myself in a way I hadn’t known was possible before.
I committed to improving my internal world.
I didn’t know how I’d do it. And I knew it would take some adjusting as I was used to paying for things that were clear and tangible. I made my growth work my top priority. That means, I gave everything I had to it.
Jump ahead to the NOW. Holy shit, it’s been 10 years. Something feels special about a whole decade of intense transformation.
I’ve fallen in love with Minneapolis.
I’ve fallen in love with myself.
I work for myself.
I am living my purpose.
I’ve created a life that I did not think was possible 10 years ago.
(Daily Badass Spiritual Warrior work? Ha! I didn't know it existed!)
And who would have thought I'd still be living here? And loving it?
As much as I would have loved to have lived in that treehouse on the beach in Thailand, I needed to know my darkness deeply and intimately. That darkness was important to experience in order for me to tap into more light.
The feeling of hitting rock bottom is the greatest gift if you let it move you towards your highest purpose.
Hey Beautiful Warrior, Are you relating?
One thing I've been clear about lately is working with people who were like me...Super ready for change! They are already starting to see the world differently.
I have 2 spots open for 1:1 in-person or online work. And I'll be re-launching 'Warrior School' in January. Are you ready?
If you are craving transformation, change, something different in life, hit me up!
I do what I do to guide others through the expansion I've experienced. It's become my passion and sometimes... obsession.
I believe in you... having what you want.
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